The Divorce Chronicles- Chapter One- Something Beautiful
God, make my life into something beautiful.
Make my life into something beautiful.
Make my life into something beautiful.
This had become my new mantra.
I repeat it over and over and over again ever since that day in March… was it a Thursday night… or a Wednesday morning? I can’t remember, it’s all a blur.
But ever since that moment my husband sat across from me on our gray barstool and said the unthinkable words that I thought I’d never EVER hear, “I don’t want to be married anymore,” this has been the resounding phrase repeating in my mind… God, make my life into something beautiful.
I know it was the weekend before St. Patrick’s Day because my response to this horrific shock was to give him some “space” to think about what he’d said and get in touch with his feelings.
I actually thought if I gave him some “space”, some time alone, he’d come to his senses. So, I drove up to St. Meinrad Indiana and spent the weekend at St. Meinrad Monastery. This was both the best idea and the worst idea simultaneously. Isn’t life always a paradox?
Joey had taken me to St. Meinrad when we first started dating. We went there many times over the years and it became our special place.
We even wrote our wedding vows here.
It was so painful being there that weekend given the new circumstances of my life. But as I cried and cried and cried, I was beginning to realize this huge process of transformation that I was smack dab in the middle of whether I wanted to be or not.
I was grieving and letting go of an old life, one that had run its course.
He moved out about a week later. I guess it was a week. Maybe it was 2 weeks.
It’s all a blur.
I couldn’t sleep or eat. I lost 40 pounds (which I have read now is the exact average amount when people are getting divorced regardless of starting weight).
What was this new life God was allowing to happen? I had no idea.
I still have no idea.
But I continue to pray, “God, make my life into something beautiful.”
To be continued…
Even in our pain, our lives are something beautiful. Happy are those who cease ‘doing’ and lean into ‘being’. Spend time alone with God in the Blessed Sacrament. Pray. Open your heart to the gifts and Grace each new day brings and know that, despite all this, you are a loved child of God and your life IS beautiful ❤️ God bless you on this journey. I’m praying for you.
I pray that God gives you a peace the world cannot. I am sorry for your loss, and I pray that it will be a transformation of grace and beauty.
Welcome to the CatholicismRocks family, we are happy and blessed to have you here.